Hog Football

              ARKANSAS

                                     By

                      RICHARD MASON

                                           Hog Football

Well, what does Richard Mason know about Razorback Football? Good question. All I really know is I’m not happy about it right now, and it doesn't have anything to do with the sorry coach. Oh, that’s a little slip, but let's get serious about the current state of Hog Football. If we're really honest, those four and a half hour games, with the blaring of over the top music while the commercials are being run, are light years away from when, in the late 1950s, I set in the rain and watched the underdog Hogs beat a ranked TCU team 3 to 0. And when I was working in Libya during the early 1960s, I only found out we beat number one Texas by reading the International Herald Tribune that next Monday, and noted we had moved ahead of Texas in the poll, so I figured somehow we’d beaten the Longhorns. Yes, and while living in Texas, I watched as the worthless Aggies Corps marched onto the field at College Station, and I booed while the Aggie fans screamed. Of course, we whipped their sorry asses. But those days are gone or at least they are so diluted, we hardly recognize Hog football any more.

 So what do we need to do in order to get Arkansas Football back on track? Here are my suggestions as a graduate of the University and a longtime fan: First, stop all the commercials during continuous playing. I don't mean get rid of all of them, but make them only at the start, end of each quarter, halftime, and end of game. Right now the commercials are easily the most irritating part of college football except maybe the blaring music being played while we sit there in the hot sun and sweat. And while we’re at it, stop playing the Little Sisters of Mercy schools. You know, the Florida A&M & Ns or the Coastal Carolina P & Q. We’ll save millions, and why not use one of those dates to play Arkansas State? Frank is old enough for us to slip that one past him, and we’d save big bucks by not having to pay the one step out of high school teams from New Mexico or the Crimea. Yes, I know it makes a 6-5 season look better than a 4-7 one, but playing equal schools always makes for a better game. Would you rather watch a tough loss to Notre Dame or a 63 to 0 win against the Crimea. Okay, now we’re on a roll, so let’s talk coach’s salaries. Their pay is three or four times the salary of the President of the United States! How on earth do we justify that? And now they get to add another big money coach so we’re up to ten and climbing. No, you can’t tell me you couldn’t find a young coach who wouldn’t be delighted to coach the University for half that, and the bar set so low now, that he or she would probable look pretty good. And now we’re spending another 160 million to keep up with Alabama by adding some 3200 high dollar seats in the north end zone. How can a supposedly academic school justify that when a 7,000,000 item collection of Arkansas history sits in a series of warehouses because there’s not money for an exhibit hall to house them? Had enough? Well, I’m not through because Arkansas football is such a distortion that it needs a heart transplant, or maybe a brain transplant. Let’s talk tickets and parking. Wow, now I ‘done’ got to meddling. With a gazillion seats in that stadium every student should have season home game tickets given to them when they pays their registration fees. It’s a disgrace to see students lined up to get the sorry leftover tickets while the big donors lounge on the fifty yard line, and while we’re at it, stop the disgrace of allowing the Razorback Foundation handle parking and priority ticketing. How can a state supported school with your and my tax dollars justify ticket scalping? Yes, you can call it whatever you like, but when in a state supported school hooks up with a private company or foundation, and that deal lets the foundation handle ticket sales and parking lots based on the amount donated to the foundation, it’s no different than a sleazy ticket scalper selling Hamilton tickets at Times Square.

Well, I’ve just wasted a chunk of time getting that off my chest, because everything I’ve mention has about as much chance of happening as a 63-0 win over Alabama.