To Hug or not to Hug

To Hug or not to Hug  

I have the feeling I’m about to step off into some deep water, but here I go. I’m a confessed hugger, and I’m not going to stop. I guess you might say I’m a lightweight Joe Biden, but this is why: I’m a Southerner and Southerners hug. Okay, I know that’s not enough of a reason, but let’s review the old hugging concept in detail, and let’s see if just being a Southerner is enough justification to be a hugger.

Hugging is an emotional response, and there aren’t any hugs that are committed without some emotional attachment. That’s why we hug and the reason Southerners hug more is because we are more emotional than other Americans. Our southern hospitability is real, and it comes out when we extend our emotions out to encompass others, and those others may be people we barely know. An excellent example was staged where University of Alabama folks on a road heading to the big game with Auburn feigned a car breakdown near the Auburn campus, and did the Alabama folks just get honked at? No, the Auburn fans covered them up trying to help. That’s what Southerners do. Have you ever been on a back road where you were going slow enough to notice that folks in cars and pickup trucks were waving at you? Or, when I’m walking down a sidewalk and someone passes me and we both nod, and say “How’s it going?” and we answer, “Real good.” Of course, that is a true Southerner’s inner feelings coming out, and it is a rare Southerner who will ignore a nod and a “How you doin?” We are an emotional people and hugging is in our genes.

 Of course, sometimes our emotions cause us to be involved in actions we regret, and looking back at the Civil War is a good example. Southerners by the thousands, who didn’t own slaves, volunteered to fight and according to many commentaries, they expressed their rush to join the Confederate Army was with the hope they wouldn’t miss the fight, which they figured would just be one battle. And that tendency to get emotional about fighting or love of football is part of just the way we are, and I’m not changing and neither are 99% of the Southerners I know.

A Midwestern school did a study about the reactions of individuals who, in a crowded hallway, were deliberately bumped into by a rude person. In about three fourths of the country the reaction was about the same, which was a “Watch where you’re going,” etc. but in the South it moved to up several notches to almost a confrontation. Southern emotions come to the surface quickly, and we probable have more incidents of road rage.

 So what, you might say? What has that go to do with hugging? This, very simply, is if Southerners didn’t hug it would be suppression of their inner emotions, which are an expressive, compulsive, way of life. But before we delve into the act of hugging, let’s look at sexual abuse, which of course, is forcing unwanted physical affection upon someone of the opposite sex. Unwanted touching is not only just hugs, it can even be an unwanted handshake. Yes, I have met people who I didn’t want to shake their hand for various reasons, and I have had women hug me that I wish hadn’t, but that was usually a super, good hug while Vertis was in the room, so I guess I have never had many hugs I didn’t like.

If we really want to understand hugs we must understand that contact with another person is an emotional experience, and the difference of just a warm handshake and a nod of recognition is a lot more than you think. Of course, that’s the basic reason Southerners hug. They hug because it is an expression of emotions and hugging is a time tested way to express a person’s feelings. Of course, in the South hugging is not just hugging someone of the opposite sex. Not hardly. I don’t believe there’s a Southerner, including this writer, who hasn’t hugged someone of the same sex. To attend a funeral visitation of a good friend who is going through the emotional drama of losing someone very close to them, and for you of the same sex not to hug them is a loss to both. The compassion of a hug when given to a friend, who actually is in need of a hug, can’t be overemphasized.

But while we’re discussing hugging it wouldn’t be fair to exclude the unwanted hugs that are forced on a person. But there is a fine line between an unwanted hug and just a casual hug you might get as you come to a dinner party where you know everybody. Yes, the over demonstrative pressing hug from someone shouldn’t be tolerated, but let’s face it, some hugs are the catalyst for a future closer relationship that many times leads to marriage.

I guess the worst hugs are from predatory, supervisory men and women who use their position to force their sexual desire on another individual. And let’s face it, there are hugs that are unwanted, and given anyway, and those hugs are wrong. However, the human body instinctively reacts to unwanted hugs, and the hugger does know when his or her affectionate hug is being rejected. For an individual, who is forcing a hug, to press on is wrong and shouldn’t be tolerated.

Now while we’re on the just barely tolerated hugs, let me say that sometimes maybe our feeling are on our shirtsleeves, and maybe we shouldn’t be repulsed by a person who hugs just for his or her kicks. No, those hugs shouldn’t be tolerated, but of course there are plenty of gray areas where hugs are concerned, and I’m sure not an authority to say when a hug shouldn’t be tolerated.

However, I like the emotional connections I have with my friends, and meeting a person of the opposite sex with a hug is a tiny bit of spice that I don’t want to give up, but I consider myself a sensitive person, and if I hug you and you don’t want to be hugged, just let your body react, and I promise it will pass on the word to me that you don’t want to be hugged, and I won’t be hugging you in the future.

I guess we haven’t settled the question; is just being a Southerner enough reason to hug, and are Southerners off base with their emotions, and civilized folks don’t hug? I know our country, over the years, has gone through a number of changes where certain words and actions have been considered insensitive, and I agree, those comments and actions needed to be done away with. But I don’t think hugging fits into those categories. The idea that Southerners would stop hugging would be a change in our way of life, and by not expressing our emotions by hugging would be a detriment to 95% of the Southerners. So I’ll guarantee you this. I won’t be among the ones who takes a no hugging vow.