The
End of Things
Well, not
all things, but I think you'll be surprised how many items are disappearing.
For instance, ties. Yes, as I look out
from the choir at First Baptist Church on Sunday morning, I can count the ties
on one hand and have three fingers left over. (Last Sunday there were two ties
in the church.) Heck, a decade or so back, ties were as thick as mosquitoes at
Moro Bay. Why are they gone? Of course,
it's the reason all things end. Ties are absolutely worthless! Yep, they are a
relic from the past, when we needed neckwear to keep our neck warm, and today they
serve no purpose. How many ties do you see on the men who are the wave of the
future? Executives of virtually all high tech companies stopped wearing ties a
couple of decades ago. When you see the President of Walmart and the former
President of the United States at either a business meeting or sitting for
official portraits without a tie, you know the end is near for those neck
chokers. I have already designated my home and office a tie-free zone.
Okay? Well
let's move on, and you probably won't care if this bunch is gone: video stores,
eight track or cassette tapes, and hard wired telephone lines. Yes, that's high
tech booting out our old habits with new tech stuff, and that is just the tip
of the useless items made obsolete by technology advances. Gone are hard wired
speakers, amplifiers, and replacing them has drastically changed the way we
listen to music, and yes, you can confidently toss those chunky speakers, wires
and all, and replace them with a specker no bigger than a soup can and have
better quality sound.
Do you
like the feel in your hands of your daily newspaper as you sit in your couch
sipping your coffee, while you thumb through the paper? Well, get ready to see, if you already
haven’t, that paper disappear replaced by a tree-saving IPad that gives you a
much improved quality paper, and a knock on the door means Starbucks’s drone
has replaced your old coffee maker, and your life experience has improved by
getting a superior paper and better coffee.
But what about the way we dress, that
is, if we want to get picky? Yes, along with men's ties the ladies have ditched
nylon hose, girdles, and over the top hair styles. Have we noticed the
difference? Not really, because the end of most things are gradual. Take socks
for instance. The ladies have mostly
dropped them, and the guys are beginning to shed them. Socks had a purpose when
we started wearing them several centuries ago. The shoes then were so roughly
made that you needed socks just to protect your feet. Not anymore. You can buy
shoes now that fit great and are as soft as a glove. Of course, during the
summer socks just give us hot feet. Adios socks! Well, what about men wearing
undershirts in 95 degree heat? Do you need that extra layer of clothing to keep
from getting chilled? Guys, stop dressing like the 50s and put an end to
undershirts.
It seems to me, that with clothing, less is
where it's headed. Take men's hats. In the 40s almost every man wore a hat,
but, if you live in El Dorado, you know John Trimble who recently died, was one
of the last hat wearing men in south Arkansas or maybe the mid-south. Of course,
as the South becomes more tropical each year, all heavy clothing will be
shucked and skimpy clothes will be the fashion items, and not just on the
beach. Get ready for clothing that is very close to swimsuits in church, restaurants,
grocery stores, and other indoor-outdoor venues. Ear muffs, wool scarves, and
top coats are going out the door in a hurry.
That brings us to a more serious note.
We are seeing the end of Miami, New Orleans, Houston, and numerous other
low-lying coastal cities as Global Warming melts the ice caps. Of course, as
the earth continues to heat, we’ve seen the end to seasonal climate changes as
our southern coastal areas become sub-tropical and 500 year rains, super
hurricanes, and blistering heat waves replace our old seasonal climate changes.
But other
changes are on the way, and according to Senator Elizabeth Warren, Donald Trump
will spell the end to our country ever electing a man as president again. And the end to privacy? Yes, with our every
move recorded or videoed we'll see every wrinkle in everybody's life. We may
not be anxious to have our lives on Y-tube but the absence of privacy heading
toward us like a speeding train.
Of course, when we see Republican women stop
wearing fur coats, you know we have already seen the end of for furs. Most
ladies stopped wearing them a decade ago. And sadly, we're seeing the end of
the Circus. Ringling, Barnum, and Bailey have had their last show. The
Internet, video, and other entertainment venues are free, and you don't have to
leave you living room.
Big grocery stores that try to carry tons of
rather low quality stuff are being whipped up on by specialty grocers. Yep, the
fresh market, organic groceries are pushing the big everything grocers out.
Uber and Left seem to be spelling the end of taxies, and LED light bulbs signal
the end of regular bulbs. Let's just hope the Chinese make them a little
cheaper. Of course everyone knows
tobacco is on its way out. An Asian country has already banned tobacco by 2020
and cigarettes cost $13 a pack in New York City---wow! An extra $5 to $10
thousand a year, just to get lung Cancer. And when the percentage of smokers in
California approaches a low of 10%, the end of smoking is in sight---good
riddance.
And since
our congress declared open season on wolves, they will be extinct in less than
a decade, and according to a recent scientific study, over a million species
will soon become extinct because of human activity. Here in Arkansas we have
seen an end to quail as ground scavengers (don’t believe that hogwash about
habitat) gobble up the quail eggs.
As the world’s population continues to
increase, and as Global Warming reduces arable land, we will be approaching an
end to a world that humans cannot feed its population.
Or maybe,
coming soon! The ultimate, the end of earth. Yep, Stephan Hawking, who was
possibly the smartest person in the world, said, “In 100 years we will have
overpopulated and fouled the earth so badly it will be the end of Earth, and
we'll need to find a new[1] [R2] planet to inhabit.”
I guess that's
the end of all ends, but maybe we've still got time to put your honey in
nothing but a fur coat, light up a cig, and play an old Simon and Garfunkel
tape as you boogie one more time.
Well,
according to Ecclesiastes there is a time for everything, and I think it's time
to end this column.
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